No more "No!"

What is a word children will likely learn and repeat at an early age?  Ahhh, there are probably many but I'm talking about the word "No!" Of course, children may comprehend and even repeat the word “no,” but that doesn’t mean they will obey!  

As a new mom with my first daughter, I was determined to be the best parent in the world and not pass along any of my own bad habits, insecurities, fears, etc.  (Yes, you can laugh at my naivety.)  I could never tolerate a child telling me “No!” so I thought, “What’s the best way to prevent that from happening?”  And then it hit me -- one way to prevent her from saying it to me…would be to never say it to her to begin with.  "Hey," I thought, "If she never heard it, she wouldn’t learn it, right?"

And the first part of my parenting philosophy was born: Teach your child only what you want her to know.

My husband was on board with the plan and, when Hailey was a baby, we did not say “no” to her if she was getting into something we didn’t want her to…we just redirected her actions.  For example, if she was putting something in her mouth she shouldn’t, we took it away and gave her something else.  

Don’t get me wrong - we would say “no” from time to time.  If she was getting into something dangerous, we would say it to be sure she understood not to ever do it again.  But we used the word sparingly throughout her first years.  As she grew older, it was harder to restrain because she was more and more inquisitive and adventurous. 

Did our plan work?  I think it has at least helped.  Hailey is not an argumentative child and if we say “no” – her usual response is a sigh and “Okay.”  She does not talk back and tell us “no” on a regular basis.  What she does do, however, is argue her point with logical reasoning if she really wants something we’ve said “no” to. Usually, if she makes a good case against what we said, we’ll do things her way because she made the effort to explain her needs clearly. 

            Hailey: “Mom, can I have a cookie when I get home?

            Me: “No, you can have an apple or a banana.”

            Hailey: “Please Mommy, can I have a cookie?  I haven’t had a cookie in a long time and they are very small.”

            Me: (Reconsiders due to her logic) “Okay, Hailey, one cookie, that’s it.”

            Hailey: “Yay! Thank you Mommy!”

I cannot wait to see what she does when she gets a little older.